100 Things

In celebration of 100 days post-op, here are 100 random - and in no particular order - things I have learned:

1. Losing weight after Bariatric surgery is still pretty damn hard.
   
   
2. You can exist on much, much less food than you actually think.
   
   
3. Jeans with a little poly/spandex in them can fit for about +/- 40 lbs. before they become clown pants.
   
   
4. A good handful of those skinny people around you were one-time fatties that had Bariatric surgery, they just weren’t vocal about it.
   
   
5. The whole catheter thing is seriously weird.
   
   
6. Eating half a Flatout pizza is never - ever - advisable after Bariatric surgery.
   
   
7. Most people are really excited for you and supportive of your journey if you are positive too.
   
   
8. Spouses of Bariatric patients can lose a tremendous amount of weight without even trying simply out of fear.
   
   
9. After Bariatric surgery you have three start weights - your highest weight, the weight the day you had your pre-op tests and the day of surgery. Pick the one that is most impressive to you as your “starting” point to measure success - you lost all of it one way or another.
   
   
10. Food affects you SO much more than you ever realized.
    
    
11. Caffeine withdrawals aren’t even noticeable after two days on a pain pump followed by a week on liquid Vicodin.
    
    
12. Most carbs actually taste like empty calories and are very unsatisfying after surgery… except for my stepmother’s stupidly delicious homemade cornbread.
    
    
13. A little sprinkle of Tony Chacere’s makes low-fat cottage cheese pretty damn delicious.
    
    
14. A festive hat will make the the 100 parade laps you do around the Bariatric wing with all the other post-op fatties so much more fun.
    
    
15. I packed an entire suitcase of “stuff” to take with me to the hospital overnight - cute clothes, makeup, toiletries. Guess what you don’t give a shit about post-op? Getting dressed, doing your makeup, doing your hair...
    
    
16. Your relationship with your spouse changes immediately. Once we stopped eating dinner out every night, Mr. Adams and I lost our “us” time.
    
    
17. You have to find a new, healthy, coping mechanism for your anger really quickly.
    
    
18. Water matters - a lot. Those lovely ankles you discover post-op will go away without warning if you don’t drink your 64 ounces a day.
    
    
19. Protein matters - a lot - too. One of my fellow Tiny Tummies I recently met at a dinner party lost all her hair because she didn’t get enough protein.
    
    
20. Re-learning how to eat becomes your entire existence for at least two weeks, if not longer. Roll with it - it gets easier.
    
    
21. Eating solid foods too soon hurts like a bitch.
    
    
22. The scale is a dirty whore liar. Your clothes - or a tape measure - are a much better judge of what is actually going on with your body.
    
    
23. Take pictures - you don’t have to share them with anyone if you don’t want to. I wish I would have started documenting the journey sooner.
    
    
24. Your high blood sugar can regulate in a matter of days without drugs.
    
    
25. You really shouldn’t lift shit or do housework before you are cleared to do so. It hurts and, honestly, it’s probably the only time you will ever get a complete free pass on either.
    
    
26. Take time - lots of time - for yourself after surgery. The job can wait.
    
    
27. Scars can open up for months after surgery. As long as they aren’t red and angry looking, it is really no big deal. Your guts are, most likely, (a) not going to pop out and (b) not rotting away.
    
    
28. You can’t drink for half an hour after eating, so spicy/hot foods are tricky after surgery.
    
    
29. Don’t eat before falling asleep. If I eat right before going to bed I will, almost always, wake up myself up puking.
    
    
30. Reaching down to wipe yourself after going to the bathroom is a major feat for at least the first week, if not longer. A silver lining is that you won’t have a bowel movement for weeks and you can pretty much reach your other-regions with a little acrobatic prowess.
    
    
31. Speaking of poop, you won’t have any for a long while. You aren’t eating anything solid for weeks so it’s pretty normal not to produce any “waste.”
    
    
32. Also speaking of poop, once you do start having bowel movements, they may not happen every day - at least not at first.
    
    
33. Your doctor really doesn’t mind talking about poop or answering the fifty questions you have about it in your first check up.
    
    
34. It’s okay to share your journey. If you don’t tell your story people will make it up for you. Don’t let other people make up your story.
    
    
35. If you do share your story, people may try to offer up advice in exchange. Thank them for the advice and move on if it contradicts anything your surgeon, internist or nutritionist has told you.
    
    
36. It’s okay to not share your journey or all parts of your journey.
    
    
37. When people say, “You look great!” you have to practice responding with, “Thanks, I feel great!” A small, repeated, positive affirmation goes a long way.
    
    
38. If you are a fashionista, the first purging of the closet is going to hurt… a lot. So much.
    
    
39. YOU are now your first priority and will be for a long time. You have to carve out space for meal prep, eating, drinking water and exercising. Self-care is non-negotiable if you want to be successful.
    
    
40. It’s okay to be a little angry, a little sad, a little giddy, and a little selfish for a while. This shit’s a BIG deal.
    
    
41. Stuff is going to deflate. Round rumps and bodacious tatas are going to become flapjacks. On the upside, you and your flat boobies will live a lot longer.
    
    
42. Rosarito Vegetarian Refried Beans are the bomb-diggety and will give you some protein in your soft food stages.
    
    
43. PB2 is your new best friend if you like peanut butter. I eat 2 tablespoons every day in my protein shakes… every day.
    
    
44. When (if) your blood sugar starts crashing after surgery, milk actually helps regulate it better than fruit juice.
    
    
45. Sugar free fudgsicles will be a savior when the sweet cravings hit. Kroger’s absolutely rock.
    
    
46. EVOL makes some amazing frozen foods that fit within Bariatric guidelines. You probably won’t be able to eat a full serving at one sitting, but the serving sizes are pretty reasonable.
    
    
47. Don’t overeat. It hurts physically and the guilt that follows is even worse.
    
    
48. Speaking of serving sizes, you will giggle like a maniac the first time you eat out and pay $11 for a meal that will probably feed you for four days.
    
    
49. Feeling your body get stronger as you workout post-surgery is probably one of the most amazing feelings in the world.
    
    
50. Don’t get obsessed with weight - get obsessed with health.
    
    
51. People you have great influence over (your children) are watching your journey closely and will take cues from you - share the right messages with them.
    
    
52. You are under no obligation to be anyone’s role model (except your children, of course). Don’t let anyone else co-opt your journey.
    
    
53. You don’t have to push yourself to attain all the BIG goals right away. You can work your way up, slowly but steadily, to a new normal.
    
    
54. You’ll hit milestones that you thought were totally unattainable much quicker than you ever imagined.
    
    
55. Fitbits are fun and Fitbit challenges with friends are great motivators.
    
    
56. Fitbits coupled with MyFitnessPal keeps you honest. Hitting the milestones you set for yourself on each, daily, is positively reaffirming.
    
    
57. You, probably, aren’t going to hit every goal every day. Learn to give yourself the grace you would give your best friend who had just made a major life change.
    
    
58. You are going to be taking a lot of food with you everywhere you go - at least for a while. Invest in a really good thermal lunch bag. I recommend the PackIt Freezable Picnic bag. It’s big enough to fit all four meals I take with me to work - including a protein shake and a large tumbler of water - and it keeps everything cool for about eight hours.
    
    
59. If you are taking a protein shake with you - wherever you may be going - wash your tumbler as soon as you get home. Nothing smells worse than a tumbler full of stale, warm leftover milk and protein powder. Seriously, ew.
    
    
60. Routine will be your friend after surgery. Embrace it. Plan your meals and pack them ahead of time, document your journey with photos once a month, wash your tupperware/tumblers as soon as you walk in the door after work and throw your lunch bag in the freezer, schedule daily walks, tell your husband once a week that you love him and you aren’t going to leave him when you get skinny… All of this shit takes longer than driving through McDonald’s on the way home from work and plopping down in front of the TV with your husband for some “together” time. Plan for it.
    
    
61. New routines mean you are going to be busier than you used to be (particularly if you are a masochist and schedule Bariatric surgery during your first year of grad school). You have to carve out time for your loved ones. Mr. Adams tells me at least once a day he misses me and I remind him that I will see him on vacation or that, if he really misses me, he can join me on my nightly walk.
    
    
62. Your hormones are going to do weird things as they adjust to your Tiny Tummy - like produce heroin-like euphoria when you eat for a few days or make your blood sugar crash.
    
    
63. Multi-vitamins are a must, but big honking pills are out of the question. I really GNC’s Soft Chews - they taste like Flinstone Vitamins.
    
    
64. It’s uber-cool when you can suddenly feel bones you haven’t felt in years - or decades - like your hip bones or ribs. I spend a lot of time petting them first thing in the morning just because I can’t believe they are there.
    
    
65. Get real clear, pre-surgery, why you are seeking surgery. Remind yourself often afterwards.
    
    
66. Plateaus do happen and they happen earlier than you think. My first one happened within weeks of surgery. My latest one lasted three weeks, but then I lost 9 pounds in the week following.
    
    
67. If you are doing all the “right” things but not losing weight, don’t lose faith. You are not that one fluke that can’t lose weight with only 20% of a stomach - it’s a plateau.
    
    
68. Again, the scale is a dirty whore liar and not an accurate assessment of your progress. I lost the same amounts of weight in months 2 and 3, but twice as many inches in month 3.
    
    
69. Between lots of water and lots of multivitamins and stabilized hormones, your skin is probably going to look better than it has in a long, long time.
    
    
70. The gas that is pumped into your abdomen during surgery is going to stick around for days after surgery. It travels in your body - pressing against your ribs and shoulder blades - and it HURTS LIKE HELL! It doesn’t “come out” like other gas, so you have to move it. Walking was the only thing that helped me. I would walk circles around my living room in the middle of the night when I couldn’t get outside.
    
    
71. The anti-nausea patch they give you pre-op can change your vision temporarily. I was convinced I needed bifocals on top of my trifocals for a week.
    
    
72. You might feel your “guts” post surgery and it’s both weird as hell and fascinating. Learn to “feel” your body.
    
    
73. If you can only walk 1.5 mph on a treadmill at first, walk 1.5 mph on the damn treadmill. I started out at 1.7 mph and on day 70 I started jogging. Your endurance changes quickly.
    
    
74. You can pull off dresses that are too big a lot easier than pants that are too big and, unless you are shopping continually, you are going to find yourself one morning with no other option but a shift dress that can now pass as an A-line.
    
    
75. Surgery is only an opportunity to reset your lifestyle and not a magic bullet. You still have to do all the same stuff you would have had to do before to get healthy - eat right, drink your water, exercise, rest and take your vitamins.
    
    
76. Don’t stress yourself out over passing the pre-exams. Either you are ready for surgery or you’re not. Let the professionals guide you.
    
    
77. Expect to be up and walking within hours after your surgery. No rest for the wicked or for post-ops that might form blood clots.
    
    
78. Speaking of walking - walk… a lot. Walk slow, walk fast, walk a little, walk a lot… just walk.
    
    
79. Don’t be afraid to take the pain meds they prescribe you. There are no extra points for bravery and martyrdom doesn’t make the process go any faster.
    
    
80. If you have a gastric sleeve procedure you will never be hungry again. You’ll probably crave food, but you don’t have the ability to actually get hungry.
    
    
81. Eating every two hours helps with the cravings - especially at first. If you start to crave something, chances are that it is only another hour or half hour until you are supposed to be eating again anyway.
    
    
82. Listen to your doctors. Your success is important to them if for no other reason than to build their own track records.
    
    
83. Post-op success is 99% mental. Find a good therapist to help you distill the 100 different mixed up emotions that come with being human.
    
    
84. Remove temptations from your house. Mr. Adams knows that, if he wants to eat fast food or indulge in a sweet treat, he has to do it outside the house. He once had a cake in his car for a week that he munched on daily during his commute to work until it was gone.
    
    
85. Your social life is going to change for a while. Dinners out, coffee shop visits, bar nights - all a thing of the past while you are healing. The people that matter won’t mind finding ways to be with you that don’t involve shoving temptations in your face.
    
    
86. Mind the triggers. I used food to soothe my nerves when I found myself in certain stressful situations. While I was healing and learning to adjust to my new diet, it was often easier to avoid the trigger situations than it was to adapt to them. You don’t have to do IT ALL at once.
    
    
87. Your post-op diet flies in the face of all logic you were previously taught. Vegetables and fruits take a backseat to protein.
    
    
88. Your energy will improve ten-fold a month or two post-op. Take advantage of it - it, unfortunately, doesn’t last forever if you don’t protect it.
    
    
89. You are under no obligation to share your weight loss goals with anyone.
    
    
90. You are under no obligation to have weight loss goals that involve numbers.
    
    
91. Reframe your thinking from “should” to “want.” I don’t drink 64 ounces of water a day because I should. I drink 64 ounces of water a day because I want to be able to discern my ankles from my calves.
    
    
92. Comparison is the thief of joy - which is advice for everyone, not just Tiny Tummies. Your journey will be different than mine and that is okay. My cousin’s wife had surgery months before he did. They work out together and pretty much eat together, but he’s at goal weight two years post-op and she is not - and they are both tremendous success stories. Some bodies just change quicker - or more differently - than others.
    
    
93. You aren’t lazy because you have decided to have surgery - you are brave.
    
    
94. You aren’t lazy because you aren’t losing weight the “natural way” - you are using the tools available to you. You are resourceful.
    
    
95. By the way, there is nothing “natural” about Weight Watchers, the Atkins diet, killing yourself on the treadmill, juice cleanses, fasting or taking appetite suppressants either.
    
    
96. There is no shame in seeking help.
    
    
97. If others have shame about you having surgery, don’t own that shame. Mr. Adams didn’t want me to be public about the surgery at first because of the judgements that his family might have about it. Part of it was because he wanted to protect me, but part of it was because he doesn’t want to displease his parents. Not my monkey - not my circus.
    
    
98. Be protective of YOU - especially women. When you have surgery you are suddenly in a position of having to be cared for as opposed to being the caretaker. A week or two post-op I asked Mr. Adams to go to therapy so he had the support system he deserved because I couldn’t be it - at least not for a while.
    
    
99. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be healthy.
    
    
100. Surgery is hard, but it is SO worth it.