Since having surgery I have become hyper aware of every morsel of food that goes into my mouth. What I have discovered is that, more often than not, I stuff food into my body to quiet my inner voice (aka dull the feelings).
Cue inner voice…
Welcome to my Friday afternoon my gentle snowflakes – also known as the past 40-some years of my life – a life, as we have previously discussed, pretty much sans any healthy coping mechanisms.
So I knew going into this year if I was going to be successful in my health journey the first thing I was going to have to do was find a healthy coping mechanism to replace food. I knew yoga was probably “the thing,” though I couldn’t tell you why when I chose it. I just knew that, in my mind, it was the thing that was going to get me to old age in one piece.
So I went to yoga once (and farted) with my buddy, Mark, and then went again with Mr. Adams, and then again with my friend Tracy, and then a second time with Tracy and eventually bought a two month unlimited membership to the studio and went all on my own this week.
When I am “in my practice” – which is fancy yoga language for stretching and contorting the shit outta my body in silence - I feel extraordinary. The tape recorder on loop in the back of my head quiets and I become keenly aware of the ying and yang of life. (Sorry to be so “yoga-ish,” but if the rubber grip toe sock fits…)
I am soft, but strong. I am wise, yet giggling inside with joy as I fold forward and my ribs touch my thighs for the first time and I squeal, “Look what we are doing!” to my body. I am in control, yet vulnerable – eyes closed, guided through a practice by a teacher I don’t know yet inexplicably trust. I am part of a community, yet so inside of myself. And I’m doing it all in the middle of a yoga studio in Grosse Pointe, home of the resting bitch face soccer mom. Feeling completely comfortable there is a victory in and of itself.
It is all such a beautiful chaos.
When I started the month, I defined victory as being skinny enough that I could contort my body into a pose that was previously unattainable. I had no idea that the practice of yoga would become so much more and that the lessons learned on the mat would far transcend the physical. As much as I am breaking my brain, I am fixing it.
Adventure number one in the twelve great adventures of 2016? Total success.