When everything is everybody

Two days ago I started a blog post about how I was feeling scared and ungrateful and full of SHOULD. It started… ​

Today I’m feeling ungrateful, angry and scared. Three weeks away from opening the SheHive doors and all I want to do is run in the other direction and go get a job. I’m so tired and I can’t find any of the excitement I’ve had for this business anywhere. I feel like it might not ever come back.

I’m resentful that the first thing that pops into my head when I wake up in the morning is “SheHive!” and the second is, “You need a steady income!”. I haven’t had a date with my husband or a yoga class or a cup of coffee with a girlfriend in months where I was completely present and both of those thoughts weren’t nagging at the back of my mind.

I’m full of SHOULD today.
I should be grateful.
I should be excited.
I should not feel burdened.
I should not complain.
I should be able to reframe my mindset and turn this all around.
I should not worry about money.
I should not share any of this with you.

And, as per usual, I call a loud, resounding, “BULLSHIT!” on should.

I didn’t get a chance to finish the post because Mr. Adams called to tell me that our female Pitbull, Butters, had been taken from our backyard. You want perspective in the world? Have your fragile, senior dog stolen from your back yard and then spend two nights worried about what it is she is facing out there in the world without you to protect her.

For the last 48 hours we have been searching everywhere, calling everywhere, posting everywhere and we were never, never alone when doing so. Every time we went out looking for her, we’d run into a neighbor doing the same. My posts on Facebook had over 700 shares. People I didn’t even know called me to tell me they were worried about her and out looking for her.

Last night I just gave in and turned it all over to the universe and the neighbors and the friends and the people I didn’t know that were calling to say they were in my corner. Butters, the SheHive, life… all in everyone else’s hands. I joined Andrea at a class on small business taxes in the evening - an oddly welcome respite for such dry subject matter - and then came home and went to bed at a reasonable hour for the first time in months.

An hour ago a woman I have never met called to say she found Butters - seven miles away, dumped on the side of the freeway. “She’s okay!” she yelled into the phone as I answered it. In two hours I am leaving for a meeting with Andrea and a sweet, sweet woman named Amanda that is going to help us launch the SheHive. As I type this the HeHivers (Andrea’s husband and Mr. Adams) are at the SheHive laying down our carpet.

A few months ago, in a moment of clarity, I took a white board marker and wrote a love note to myself and my family on the bathroom mirror… “You will always have everything you need.” I believe it, but sometimes I forget. This week the “everything” I needed was everyone else - and they all came through.

What a powerful reminder that with the exception of one person, this world is made up entirely of other people. And what a powerful lesson that those other people are my people - people I can lean on, people I can trust and people who are rooting for me too. 

Good people.

My people.

With so much gratitude and love… thank you, my people.